I'm so torn about posting this, its a confession that is worthy of flames!
As sad as it is I not only want a healthy baby; I want a healthy baby girl. :::flame away::::
I have no business asking God for more then a healthy baby. I have no business wanting anything but a healthy baby after all the losses I have suffered.
I remember going through my losses hearing women say, "I want a boy," or others who wanted a girl. I couldn't help but scream in my head, "ALL I WANT IS A HEALTHY BABY!!!!"
I worry that I'll be disappointed at our big ultrasound and I don't want to be. I'm trying to convince myself I will be happy with a healthy baby and no matter what I will be. I can see us having another boy and its exciting in ways because Landon brought me so much joy that I would love to give him a baby brother to play with. However, I don't want to miss out on having a little girl. I miss not having barbies and baby dolls in the house. ;-) And of course I would love to have a little dancer on my hands.
However, I need to be grateful for whatever God has decided for us.
As of now we are not discussing names. Last time we only had boy names that we agreed on and for the life of us we could not agree on a girls name. I'm ok with waiting. In fact, I'm hoping it will be less stress.
Babe is definitely moving a little more each day which is really assuring. I cannot wait for the constant kicks and punches. Landon was a super active baby in the womb. We'll see if he or she takes after his or her big brother.
As sad as it is I not only want a healthy baby; I want a healthy baby girl. :::flame away::::
I have no business asking God for more then a healthy baby. I have no business wanting anything but a healthy baby after all the losses I have suffered.
I remember going through my losses hearing women say, "I want a boy," or others who wanted a girl. I couldn't help but scream in my head, "ALL I WANT IS A HEALTHY BABY!!!!"
I worry that I'll be disappointed at our big ultrasound and I don't want to be. I'm trying to convince myself I will be happy with a healthy baby and no matter what I will be. I can see us having another boy and its exciting in ways because Landon brought me so much joy that I would love to give him a baby brother to play with. However, I don't want to miss out on having a little girl. I miss not having barbies and baby dolls in the house. ;-) And of course I would love to have a little dancer on my hands.
However, I need to be grateful for whatever God has decided for us.
As of now we are not discussing names. Last time we only had boy names that we agreed on and for the life of us we could not agree on a girls name. I'm ok with waiting. In fact, I'm hoping it will be less stress.
Babe is definitely moving a little more each day which is really assuring. I cannot wait for the constant kicks and punches. Landon was a super active baby in the womb. We'll see if he or she takes after his or her big brother.
No comments:
Post a Comment